I Love Him
by CaptainBellarkeSwan
Summary: Her mind flashed back to Murphy's spiteful words dripping with venom and anger as the other's strapped Emori onto the bed. The tears in his eyes as he shouted at her. "I love her..." She silently wondered how she would react if this happened to her. What if this happened to Bellamy?


**So far I'm liking season 4 a lot better. It's nice to see the show pick up the story once more. After watching that scene in episode 8, I just wondered what Clarke was thinking while they prepared Emori's body. It's quite short, but I still hope you enjoy it :)**

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The look on Murphy's face etched onto her mind as the doors slowly slid close. Even with the doors closed, she couldn't get it out of her head. The look of pure hatred and anger.

She wasn't going to deny that Murphy was an ass when they first landed on the Ground. But things change. People change. She disliked him, but she never hated him. He was right. He had even saved her. Yet that was not the reason she couldn't get things out of her head. No, it was because she somehow considered Murphy a friend. Because he was still part of The 100.

Her responsibility.

Everyone thought he was dead when he was exiled. No one expected him to last, to survive, yet he did. In fact, he found himself in that time. Her eyes flicked to the body on the table.

He found Emori.

Her mind flashed back to Murphy's spiteful words dripping with venom and anger as the other's strapped Emori onto the bed. The tears in his eyes as he shouted at her.

"I love her..."

Love.

She silently wondered how she would react if this happened to her.

What if this happened to Bellamy?

The thought hit her so hard, sending shivers down her spine. The noises from Abby's work table faded into a loud silence. Her surroundings melted away into white. Her heart grew heavy as the sound of her boots squeaking on the floor faded, as the heaviness in her heart grew tenfold, as her stomach dipped.

And she found herself standing in front of him. His curly hair growing far too long that it reaches his eye. His brown eyes filled with warmth. His soft plump lips curved into a perfect Blake smirk. Big strong arms covered in his jacket crossed on his chest.

Bellamy.

His smirk suddenly disappeared as it grew into a look of pain, his mouth curling in a snarl. Slowly, his skin started to grow redder in each second. Bumps started to form on his smooth brown skin. His face twisted in a look of helplessness as blisters grew all over his body.

 _No._

Blood dripped from his mouth. Soon he was coughing up the dark liquid as it splattered on his face, his clothes, as the blisters on his skin grew into a shade of angry red.

 _Bellamy!_

Her heart churned in her chest as if someone had plunged a knife deep inside. Her body grew numb as if her skin burned away with him as he slowly grew into ashes in front of her. Tears streamed down her face and her throat felt dry as if she had screamed over and over again yet no sound came out.

She quickly shut her eyes closed, turning the white room back into darkness.

His image faded together with everything else, but it was soon replaced by his warm eyes and smile. She remembered the look of self-loathing on his face as he told her that he was a monster under the night sky. She remembered the small smirk he would give her as if silently approving of her. How strong he had been for everyone and for her. She remembered the determination in his eyes as he pulled the lever with her at Mt. Weather.

She remembered the way his arms felt around her when she found that he was alive. How safe she felt in his embrace. She remembered when he found her tied by Roan. The way he had looked so relieved she could see the tears in his eyes. The way his fingers softly brushed on her cheeks. The way he tucked a stand of her hair behind her ear.

He went back for her that time, even when the Azgeda was coming. He had always been coming back for her. That time at the throne room too. He had traveled all the way from camp, marching into Polis just to save her. He had risked almost everything just to get her back.

Just for her.

God, she was so stupid.

Of course...

Of course.

She _loved_ him.

Perhaps too much.

Bellamy was her person. He was a pillar in her life that she could lean on,that she could depend on. He was someone who cared far too much that he neglects himself. He had gone thousand of miles just for her. He had always been by her side and it baffled her how she hadn't noticed that earlier. Maybe it was precisely that. His presence felt so natural that she hadn't even notice that Bellamy Blake had grown into a fixture in her life. That one person that she couldn't ever lose.

If she did, she didn't know what she would do, what she would feel. Suddenly life seemed pointless without the warmth of his smiles and hugs, without that teasing smirk of his, without his deep voice spilling words of encouragement.

She loved him.

Clarke loved Bellamy.

A certain peace fell upon her as everything faded back into reality. Her mom was now walking towards an unconscious Emori. The shaking in her hand ceased as she put her mind back into pieces. She rose from the darkness in her mind, feeling stronger than ever.

So when her mom couldn't do it, she took the syringe from her. Clarke's mind cleared as she finally made her decision. Her heart slowed into steady beats. The silence inside her confused her, yet it strengthened her.

She loved Bellamy.

If this happened to Bellamy, she could kill anyone. She could do anything. If this happened to Bellamy, she doesn't think she could ever find herself again and the giant hole in her heart would never mend.

If she lost Bellamy, she might as well die.

She loved Bellamy just as Murphy loved Emori.

Everyone would feel the way Murphy felt right now. Everyone would be filled with such anger and hatred. No one said it was easy just like no one said that love would be easy.

She finally made her decision. She was doing this for everyone. For the Grounders, Azgeda and Triku. For Skaikru. For The 100. For her mom. For her friends.

For Bellamy.

"I bear it so they don't have to."

And she sank the needle into her arm.


End file.
